H5 5.2, for Cristovau

To Katherine:
hey k8, u wanna b gf?

To Rex:
Dear Sir,
Is this a joke? I cannot tell from your "text message" language.

To Katherine:
no k8, s'ok u dont spk txt - if u <3 me?

To Rex:
I do not know how to answer. What does it mean to '<3 me'?

To Katherine:
2 <3 u k8 is ott, bc ur 0:-)

To Aliz:
Can you dismantle what he is saying? Is that supposed to be me, with some sort of halo?

To Katherine:
Yes, that's what he's saying.

To Katherine:
y k8, i rly mean it

To Aliz:
Behold the silver-tongued sophistry of men!

To Aliz:
? she say? say im no srs?

To Rex:
yes, that all u men have lies in ur mouths - that's k8!

To Katherine:
ur rit, sometimes were 2 slick. mb its good u a noob @ txt tho cuz if not ud c i cant b v slick @all. idk how 2 mince more than str8 up 2 say i <3 u. if u say 'o rly?' im lost 4 words. so plz, just gimme ur .02

To Rex:
Dear heavens, I think I understood that.

To Katherine:
Part 1 of 2: im no poet k8, ik. if i could WoW 4 ur <3 or out drink sum1, id rack up pts + drown em all 2 stupor. but k8, ive got no smooth words 2 win ur <3, just strong lan

To Katherine:
Part 2 of 2: guage, tho i dont toss it around, i always mean it. im not pretty but im a str8 shootr. + smooth guys th@ talk into ur <3 always talk ther way back out.

To Rex:
Is it possible that I should love the enemy of English?

To Katherine:
no k8, but i <3 english so much i cant help +ing more words 2 it. say YLM + we can share english 411 4evr.

To Rex:
I have no idea what you just said.

To Katherine:
no? ill say it ur way, tho im bad at it. Your Eloquense matched with my Inventingness twould make a more Beautiful English. ther, ik ul get a lol @ that, at least

To Rex:
Ha, your proper English is better than my 'txtmsg' .

To Katherine:
no k8, ther =ly bad. but dyk this much txt: can u <3 me?

To Rex:
IDK

To Katherine:
do ne of ur neighbors know? ill come over + ask them. ik u <3 me + ik ull txt 2 aliz bout me l8r. just b kind, bcuz ILY truly madly deeply. have my babies!

To Rex:
Well, I don't know about that!

To Katherine:
know it l8r, just say ull try it. try it + try me. How will you answer me, my heart, my whole world, my divine Kate?

To Rex:
OMG, you speak well enough to fool any txting N00B!

the problem with freely associated data

After watching a Scooby Doo movie last night* in which Shaggy and Scooby bump into a medusa briefly, I was musing on mythological creatures that through their gaze, touch, etc. could get you stoned, and whether anyone had made that joke before. With a little googling I didn't find anyone having explored all of the potential for psychoactive basilisks, but I did wander off onto cockatrices, because they're really a breed apart as far as petrifying creatures are concerned. They've just got weirder and more contradictory myths associated with them, I think, then say the basilisk. Plus no one really remembers much about them, whereas your man on the street could probably recognize a medusa right off - which is about the only chance he'd get, anyway. The cockatrice's alleged capacity to stone you by breathing on you is pretty funny all on its own, but when I inevitably perused the wikipedia page the thing that really caught my eye was the claim that, of all animals, the weasel is the only one immune to the cockatrices rocky imprecations.

And that is fascinating to me because, amongst other things, it finally clears up a point about which, I have to admit, I initially was slightly dubious: dkapell's claim that weasels are 3% of the battle. If it saves me from facing a squad of cockatrices myself, you bet I'm keeping a platoon of weasels around.


*(Scooby Doo and the Goblin King, one of the modern cartoon ones where actual magical things happen - but surprisingly good, and with voice actor guests ranging from James Belushi to Lauren Bacall. It was fun.)