Loosely Paraphrased

Me: I've redacted Maestro Martino's quince pottage, creating... quince-flavored pie filling!
Her: This is a crime against quince and man.
Me: And yet, a surprisingly pie-like crime.
Her: No. This is a vile putrescence that shames quinces everywhere.
...
Also, it's a little bit too acidic.

Warning

When they said Google Calendar was unsupported with Safari, they weren't kidding. It popped up an error window with no lower bound, then disabled every menu option. The app was even recalcitrant about being force quit. So, uh, I guess I won't use it then.

Way to go, Google.