I see you're using a different script...

Me: I'd like an oil change.
Valvoline Guy: Ah. [poke poke]. Yeah, I couldn't recommend that.
Me: No?
VG: No, definitely not.
Me: ...
VG: Not with the leak and all.
Me: ... yes?
VG: I mean, since you're going to need to your oil pan and main valve replaced anyway...

Things got clearer after that, but not better. For bonus points my hood now doesn't actually close, providing a sort of counterpoint to my now-fixed non-closing trunk (which my body shop guy fixed by grabbing the latch and yanking really hard).