Lunch chat with metahacker...

[learnedax]

... I pointed out that one of life's corollaries with game theory is that it can pay to be vicious, but not to be vindictive. I said I don't carry grudges, in games or in life, because it doesn't help me. There is a difference between disliking someone for their current behavior, or even a good prediction of future behavior based on past example, and maintaining animosity over finished business. I just don't tend to do the latter. So I said.

Of course, a few hours later I realized I was wrong. Even now I draw from a deep font of acrimony for Person. Although we are friends, although the cause of my bitterness lies elsewhere, although Person does not know that I bear such anger, still the very innocent presence of Person rankles me.

And that's pointless, so I'm giving it up. I have no use for this spring of bile, so I cast it off. May it trouble me no more.

Comments

[benndragon.livejournal.com]

It's hard to make feelings change using logic, reason, or will. So I wish you luck in doing so.

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

Good luck with that. I wish it was so easy for me.

[i-ate-my-crusts.livejournal.com]

Not tending to maintain animosity over finished business and drawin from a deep font of acrimony for $person are not mutually exclusive.

If things hurt, it's natural to grow pearls over them, but that take a lot of time. sounds like you're the kind of person who turns grit into pearls pretty quickly normally, but there's nothing wrong with having one grow slowly.

I, like you, let things go once finished, but even so, I've got a coulpe of slow-growing pearls that will, in time, be beautiful jewellery of experience.

I say, if it's still hurting, and still causing acrimony, then you still have something to learn from it. Or perhaps it's not as finished as you think it is. Something that perhaps can't be finished any more than it is, but hasn't reached that nice sealing-off point that these things normally reach so that you can let go?

I'm waxing lyrical. Hmm. *frown*

Lyrical, but pertinant

[learnedax.livejournal.com]

You're right, of course, I can't wave my hands and take the sting away, much though my analytic mind might want such control. At the same time, I can do little but aggravate the situation by confronting $person.

So I guess what I'm getting at is that I need to lock my acrimony away where it won't stir up trouble, while I watch it, as you say. lingeringly plate itself with nacre.